submitted by Alex and Marina Mamo - Familjakana March 2005
In the Book of Genesis we read that God said: “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (Genesis, 2:18)
One may ask, “Why is it so important that man should have a helper fit for him?” After all there were so many people who lived alone in a crowded environment!
It is true but in order that one may grow and develop healthily one should build a relationship with others and learn from them. Relationships with others help us understand their points of view, their needs and their present experiences. Likewise on our part we appreciate when people around us take care of our needs or are aware of situations in which we find ourselves.
ON THE WRONG FOOT?
All this also applies to a married couple. In marriage the friendly relationship demands commitment and a rather greater commitment since on their wedding day the couple vow to each other and to God that they will stay together and help each other all their life.
One about to marry would be starting on the wrong foot if one takes the attitude that marriage is a trivial matter or passes comments implying that he feels that he is moving from the frying pan into the fire. It is granted that no one is perfect, not even the partner you have selected. It is always possible that somewhere there exists a better person!
Therefore it is of utmost importance to think twice about going into marriage, especially during courtship when one is still in time. Nowadays when we notice a couple who are having difficulties in their relationship, we hasten to comment that they are not compatible!
It is a fact that very often during courtship opposites attract. This means that these same differences attract us to each other. But how are we to deal with these differences?
We may look at them in a positive way in the sense that it is possible that where one fails the other may succeed. In all situations, two minds and two points of view are better than one.
Another way is that the couple should explain to each other their points of view, in an effort to persuade one another, and reach a decision acceptable to both. There might be cases where the couple have to accept that in certain instances they will not agree. In this case, married couples should respect each other’s opinion. This does not mean that one is right and the other is wrong, but it is possible that both are right and therefore surely there is no place for insults, sarcasm and long faces!
It is the duty of every married couple to commit themselves completely and spare no efforts so that, their relationship reflected in their daily life will be so good that it will help them become better individuals – individuals who grow not only in age but into mature persons who have alot to offer, not only to the family but also to other sectors such as the labour sector. The relationship between a couple should be on a give and take basis, and be one where the man and woman commit themselves to each other, and wish each other good.
However a good relationship is impaired when one focuses on what one is receiving rather than what one is giving, or on the shortcomings of the partner rather then on one’s own. It would be better if one does one’s best to improve oneself by correcting what is bad in oneself; in this way the relationship matures and becomes stronger.
When I do to others what I wish to myself such as show compassion, try to understand, control myself from saying offensive words, love others genuinely and forget myself; my partner realises that I am making an effort and this encourages him/her to do the same.
Undoubtedly, at some time or other the married couple encounters difficulties, and at times these are so great and complicated that the couple tends to feel lost.
In such situations, it is good for them to remember that in a Christian marriage, besides the man and woman there is God also. God is with us both in favourable and difficult times. Christian marriage is like a triangle where the man and the woman are at the angles of the base while God is at the top angle. The more they move nearer to God, the more they move nearer to each other.
Communication between the couple is an important ingredient in married life. When husband and wife communicate with each other, they get to know each other better, understand the thoughts, needs and wishes of each other. It is very important for the couple to have sufficient time to be together but it should be quality time, that is, they should use it to communicate effectively between them.
The couple might spend the whole day together without making good use of the time at their disposal. In order to utilise time well, one should show interest in one’s partner and in this way the couple experience intimate moments since their communication is personal. Therefore the couple should ensure that what they share should be guarded with respect and affection.
We enjoy security in life when we are self-confident and when we trust our partner.
In this way we can concentrate more on efforts to become better persons, and even our daily tasks will be more fruitful. Our relationships, whether during work or outside, will become better. The children feel security in life and this helps them to mature and become good parents and citizens themselves.
We have completed a full circle, and so come back to where we started, that: “it is not good that man should be alone”. He needs “a helper fit for him”!
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